CATEGORY: Crawling Robots, Ultimate Destruction, Fun
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products
NOTE: Crawling robots will NOT, repeat, NOT take over the planet. However they may disrupt it from time to time. So join the fun and order your Modern Evil Creepy Robot today. With Five Fantastic models to choose from - Crawling Japanese Businessman, Rolly-Chatty Severed Head, Left Hand, Right Hand, and The Upper Torso Terrorizer - you can unleash laughter while you unleash hell on your friends and family.
Enjoy a demo of the good times to come. Order now!
Showing posts with label the modern evil company. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the modern evil company. Show all posts
14.12.08
27.11.08
Fake Penis Felony
CATEGORY: Felony, Fake Penis, Drug Test
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products
NOTE: Shooting bottles in the woods or target practice on the range is OK, but take your loaded weapon into a bank and wave it around - now, you've got problems. A fake penis works the same way. Waggle it happily at a party or shoot ketchup through it in the privacy of your own home - it's all good. But use it to subvert drug tests and you'll be locked up where the waggle parties are nasty.
H.B. Man Pleads Guilty to Selling Fake Penis to Cheat Drug Tests
Reports: Robert Dennis Catalano helped sell Whizzinator, Yellow River devices, designed to thwart drug tests.
By ANNIE BURRIS
A Huntington Beach man pleaded guilty before a U.S. District Court in Pittsburgh this week to selling products such as the Whizzinator, which has a prosthetic penis to help people cheat workplace drug tests, according to published reports.
Robert Dennis Catalano, 62, of Huntington Beach; George W. Wills, 65, of San Pedro; and their company Puck Technology Inc., in Signal Hill, pleaded guilty Monday to conspiracy to defraud the government and conspiracy to sell drug paraphernalia, according to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.
Contraptions called the Whizzinator, Yellow River and Number 1 sold by the company allowed men and women to simulate urination in order to register a false negative during testing, the Review said.
The Whizzinator attracted the attention of Congress in 2005 when a National Football League player tried to cheat a drug test. Then-Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith was detained at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport with the prosthetic and a packet of dehydrated urine. A House subcommittee held a hearing but no action was ever taken, reports said.
Actor Tom Sizemore also was caught with one after he attempted to evade drug tests while on probation, reports said.
Company website pucktechnology.wbx-staging.com, which is still online, said "The Whizzinator is an easy to conceal, easy to use urinating device with a very realistic prosthetic penis. It is designed to be comfortably worn as an undergarment for extended periods of time and has been extensively tested and proven to work under real-life conditions."
The devices were sold from October 2005 through May 2008. If convicted, Catalano and Wills could face up to eight years in prison and a fine of $500,000, reports said.
As part of the investigation, undercover purchases of the products were made on Sept. 8, 2006, and Feb. 7, 2007. The company has stopped operating, according to the paper.
Sentencing is scheduled for Feb. 20 before U.S. District Judge David S. Cercone, reports said.
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products
NOTE: Shooting bottles in the woods or target practice on the range is OK, but take your loaded weapon into a bank and wave it around - now, you've got problems. A fake penis works the same way. Waggle it happily at a party or shoot ketchup through it in the privacy of your own home - it's all good. But use it to subvert drug tests and you'll be locked up where the waggle parties are nasty.
H.B. Man Pleads Guilty to Selling Fake Penis to Cheat Drug Tests
Reports: Robert Dennis Catalano helped sell Whizzinator, Yellow River devices, designed to thwart drug tests.
By ANNIE BURRIS
A Huntington Beach man pleaded guilty before a U.S. District Court in Pittsburgh this week to selling products such as the Whizzinator, which has a prosthetic penis to help people cheat workplace drug tests, according to published reports.
Robert Dennis Catalano, 62, of Huntington Beach; George W. Wills, 65, of San Pedro; and their company Puck Technology Inc., in Signal Hill, pleaded guilty Monday to conspiracy to defraud the government and conspiracy to sell drug paraphernalia, according to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.
Contraptions called the Whizzinator, Yellow River and Number 1 sold by the company allowed men and women to simulate urination in order to register a false negative during testing, the Review said.
The Whizzinator attracted the attention of Congress in 2005 when a National Football League player tried to cheat a drug test. Then-Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith was detained at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport with the prosthetic and a packet of dehydrated urine. A House subcommittee held a hearing but no action was ever taken, reports said.
Actor Tom Sizemore also was caught with one after he attempted to evade drug tests while on probation, reports said.
Company website pucktechnology.wbx-staging.com, which is still online, said "The Whizzinator is an easy to conceal, easy to use urinating device with a very realistic prosthetic penis. It is designed to be comfortably worn as an undergarment for extended periods of time and has been extensively tested and proven to work under real-life conditions."
The devices were sold from October 2005 through May 2008. If convicted, Catalano and Wills could face up to eight years in prison and a fine of $500,000, reports said.
As part of the investigation, undercover purchases of the products were made on Sept. 8, 2006, and Feb. 7, 2007. The company has stopped operating, according to the paper.
Sentencing is scheduled for Feb. 20 before U.S. District Judge David S. Cercone, reports said.
11.11.08
Death Diamonds and Necro-Knick-Knacks
CATEGORY: Jewelry, Death, Remembrance
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products
EDITORIAL: What can't you create out of a dead body?! Really, that's the shorter list. So in the spirit of embalming, The Modern Evil Company announces an entire line of lucite-based products: Necro-Knick-Knacks. From paperweights to picture frames, Necro-Knick-Knacks are those indispensable gadgets that are handy for the home or office and do double-duty as death keepsakes. With a lifetime guarantee, you'll never forget where your loved ones are.
What is a LifeGem?
The LifeGem is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life, or as a symbol of your personal and precious bond with another.
LifeGem diamonds are molecularly identical to natural diamonds found at any high-end jeweler. To qualify as diamonds, they must have the exact same brilliance, fire, and hardness (the hardest substance known) as diamonds from the earth, and of course, they do!
LifeGem diamonds are created individually from your specific carbon source in our patented process.
Whether you've lost a loved one or simply want to celebrate your love, the LifeGem diamond provides a way to embrace your loved one’s memory day by day. The LifeGem is the most unique and timeless tribute available for creating a testimony to their unique life.
Your LifeGem memorial will offer comfort and support when and where you need it, and provide a lasting memory that endures just as a diamond does.
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products
EDITORIAL: What can't you create out of a dead body?! Really, that's the shorter list. So in the spirit of embalming, The Modern Evil Company announces an entire line of lucite-based products: Necro-Knick-Knacks. From paperweights to picture frames, Necro-Knick-Knacks are those indispensable gadgets that are handy for the home or office and do double-duty as death keepsakes. With a lifetime guarantee, you'll never forget where your loved ones are.
What is a LifeGem?
The LifeGem is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life, or as a symbol of your personal and precious bond with another.
LifeGem diamonds are molecularly identical to natural diamonds found at any high-end jeweler. To qualify as diamonds, they must have the exact same brilliance, fire, and hardness (the hardest substance known) as diamonds from the earth, and of course, they do!
LifeGem diamonds are created individually from your specific carbon source in our patented process.
Whether you've lost a loved one or simply want to celebrate your love, the LifeGem diamond provides a way to embrace your loved one’s memory day by day. The LifeGem is the most unique and timeless tribute available for creating a testimony to their unique life.
Your LifeGem memorial will offer comfort and support when and where you need it, and provide a lasting memory that endures just as a diamond does.
20.5.08
Going Out In Style
CATEGORY: Coffins, Death, Burial
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products
NOTE: You can't choose when you go, but you can certainly choose your style. Cliche'd coffins just won't do. Africans are customizing their final resting places - Why not you?!
Coming Soon - The Custom Coffin Service from Modern Evil.
Coffins From Ghana
For the Ga tribe in coastal Ghana, funerals are a time of mourning, but also of celebration. The Ga people believe that when their loved ones die, they move on into another life -- and the Ga make sure they do so in style. They honor their dead with brightly colored coffins that celebrate the way they lived.
The coffins are designed to represent an aspect of the dead person's life -- such as a car if they were a driver, a fish if their livelihood was the sea -- or a sewing machine for a seamstress. They might also symbolize a vice -- such as a bottle of beer or a cigarette.
Ablade Glover, an artist who works with the carpenters, says the coffin acts as a home in the afterlife, so it must be beautiful. But he laments that after putting so much time into creating the coffin, it gets hidden underground.
"By the end of the day, they are going to bury this thing, which has taken so much time, so much energy?" he says.
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products
NOTE: You can't choose when you go, but you can certainly choose your style. Cliche'd coffins just won't do. Africans are customizing their final resting places - Why not you?!
Coming Soon - The Custom Coffin Service from Modern Evil.
Coffins From Ghana
For the Ga tribe in coastal Ghana, funerals are a time of mourning, but also of celebration. The Ga people believe that when their loved ones die, they move on into another life -- and the Ga make sure they do so in style. They honor their dead with brightly colored coffins that celebrate the way they lived.
The coffins are designed to represent an aspect of the dead person's life -- such as a car if they were a driver, a fish if their livelihood was the sea -- or a sewing machine for a seamstress. They might also symbolize a vice -- such as a bottle of beer or a cigarette.
Ablade Glover, an artist who works with the carpenters, says the coffin acts as a home in the afterlife, so it must be beautiful. But he laments that after putting so much time into creating the coffin, it gets hidden underground.
"By the end of the day, they are going to bury this thing, which has taken so much time, so much energy?" he says.
24.3.08
Killer Robot Plans, DIY and You
CATEGORY: Killer Robots, Suicide, DIY
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products, R&D
NOTE: Killer Robots are the backbone of every nefarious scheme - from world domination all the way down to driveway suicide. But giving away the blueprints to the DIY crowd is like showing your hand before the flop. So while we meet with our internal Products Division, we'd like to remind you that our fantastic line of Killer Robots are all ICC-Approved and finance-ready for overnight shipping within the continental U.S.
Man, 81, Kills Himself with Shot from 'Suicide Robot'
Fran Yeoman
An elderly man has killed himself by programming a robot to shoot him in the head after building the machine from plans downloaded from the internet.
Francis Tovey, 81, who lived alone in Burleigh Heads on the Australian Gold Coast, was found dead in his driveway.
According to the Gold Coast Bulletin, he had been unhappy about the demands of relatives living elsewhere in Australia that he should move out of his home and into care.
Notes left by Mr Tovey — who was born in England — revealed that he had scoured the internet for plans before constructing his complex machine, which involved a jigsaw power tool and was connected to a .22 semi-automatic pistol loaded with four bullets. It could fire multiple shots once triggered remotely.
At 7am on Tuesday he set the robot up in the driveway of his £450,000 house and activated it.
His notes suggested that Mr Tovey chose to kill himself in the driveway because he knew there were workmen building a new house next door who would find his body.
The scheme worked, as carpenter Daniel Skewes heard gunshots and ran to Mr Tovey's home. "I thought I heard three shots and when we ran next door he was lying on the driveway with gunshot wounds to the head," Mr Skewes told the GCB.
A neighbour, who did not want to be named, told the newspaper that Mr Tovey had lived at his home on Gabrielle Grove since 1984. "He was a really marvellous man, an ideal neighbour and I will miss him greatly," she said.
"He was born in England, like I was, and we used to enjoy our tea together. He had visitors from England and family interstate from somewhere far away in Australia.
"There was no inkling of anything amiss, it is just very sad."
DIVISION: Modern Evil Products, R&D
NOTE: Killer Robots are the backbone of every nefarious scheme - from world domination all the way down to driveway suicide. But giving away the blueprints to the DIY crowd is like showing your hand before the flop. So while we meet with our internal Products Division, we'd like to remind you that our fantastic line of Killer Robots are all ICC-Approved and finance-ready for overnight shipping within the continental U.S.
Man, 81, Kills Himself with Shot from 'Suicide Robot'
Fran Yeoman
An elderly man has killed himself by programming a robot to shoot him in the head after building the machine from plans downloaded from the internet.
Francis Tovey, 81, who lived alone in Burleigh Heads on the Australian Gold Coast, was found dead in his driveway.
According to the Gold Coast Bulletin, he had been unhappy about the demands of relatives living elsewhere in Australia that he should move out of his home and into care.
Notes left by Mr Tovey — who was born in England — revealed that he had scoured the internet for plans before constructing his complex machine, which involved a jigsaw power tool and was connected to a .22 semi-automatic pistol loaded with four bullets. It could fire multiple shots once triggered remotely.
At 7am on Tuesday he set the robot up in the driveway of his £450,000 house and activated it.
His notes suggested that Mr Tovey chose to kill himself in the driveway because he knew there were workmen building a new house next door who would find his body.
The scheme worked, as carpenter Daniel Skewes heard gunshots and ran to Mr Tovey's home. "I thought I heard three shots and when we ran next door he was lying on the driveway with gunshot wounds to the head," Mr Skewes told the GCB.
A neighbour, who did not want to be named, told the newspaper that Mr Tovey had lived at his home on Gabrielle Grove since 1984. "He was a really marvellous man, an ideal neighbour and I will miss him greatly," she said.
"He was born in England, like I was, and we used to enjoy our tea together. He had visitors from England and family interstate from somewhere far away in Australia.
"There was no inkling of anything amiss, it is just very sad."
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